This Love
by Sanqhian
Summary: Raylan is having a little trouble sleeping. His mind won't let him rest.


**Author Not: This story is about a year or two old. For some reason I never got around to posting it. Please enjoy. (And I may or may not add more)**

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He rolled onto his back, eyes boring into the ceiling. How many hours a night did he spend staring at the ceiling hoping it might give him the answers to many of his burning questions? Did it ever impart wisdom in his direction? Of course not, how could it? A thing of drywall and paint knew nothing about the world he found himself immersed in. Half the time he found it hard to make heads or tails of things. How quickly it all went from being so simple to horribly complicated.

And all because they thought it might do him some good to go back to Kentucky.

Perhaps the last place on earth he wanted to be. Ever.

Mostly it had to do with the memories of a troubled childhood. The best way to phrase it was that he grew up in the sticks, the boondocks, one of those little towns far off the road. Some people liked to call them hicks, but they had their own way of doing things. So many of them were dirty in one way or another. Growing pot was pretty big. And his father, needless to say his father was mixed in with the worst of them. At some point in his life he decided he wanted to do something better. Maybe it had to do with seeing how screwed up all those people became or the run-ins with the law. Maybe he just knew that life could be better than it had been.

So he joined up with the Marshalls.

He made a difference in so many lives. He also made his fair share of enemies along the way. There was that whole mess down in Florida that got him sent back to Kentucky to begin with. Those people were supposed to leave him alone, fat chance they would do that forever. A short time, perhaps, but in the mean time he ran into a handful of other nasty people. And there was always his schoolboy chum, Boyd Crowder. One never knew what Boyd was going to start doing next. One minute he was blowing up churches and the next he was preaching about the bible.

Raylan ran a hand over his face. Thinking about Boyd generally left him with a headache.

Banishing any thoughts of the troubled man he tried to get some sleep, closing his eyes and clearing his mind. In the darkness of the room he could hear the occasional car pass by outside his hotel room as well as the rhythmic breathing of the person lying in bed next to him. Thinking about his bed partner only caused him to open his eyes a second time. Just one more unimagined development of his return home. How the hell was he supposed to have seen this one coming? He naturally expected to find himself falling into bed once or twice with someone.

Just not that particular someone.

It started with Eva. To some it may have seemed like a sure thing. Perhaps it could have been if things had gone in a different direction. But much like with his wife things got screwed up. His job kept getting in the way and Eva…well, it just fell apart. He tried not to lay the blame at anyone's feet. Now he knew she was hooking up with Boyd Crowder. Honestly he found it a bit amusing given the fact she killed her first husband—in self defense—who just so happened to have been Boyd's brother. Apparently Eva liked her apples to come from the same tree.

Nonetheless he wished them the best of luck.

And who knew, maybe Eva would be exactly what Boyd needed in his life to help him hit the straight and narrow.

Raylan would not bet his last dollar on that outcome.

Then he let himself get foolishly tangled up with his ex-wife. What the hell had he been thinking? Yeah, it was comfortable and familiar. They basically knew everything about each other. Definitely made it easier in the long run. But they started to run into the same problems that drove them apart in the first place. And there was the business of her second husband who she was in the process of divorcing while they were together. It sort of got sticky. She nearly cost him his job at one point; which led to put him on shaky ground with Art. Just what he needed, another reason for his boss to keep close tabs on him.

As if shooting people was not enough.

The person next to him moved, shifting their position. Suddenly he had an arm thrown over his chest as the person snuggled up next to him. For a split second it terrified him, that arm across his bare chest. But the panic went away. By now he'd grown used to those little moments of uncertainty. It had been what, four, five months since they first found themselves in a compromising position? Neither of them expected it to happen, their little dance between the sheets. That day had been particularly hard on both of them.

Apparently in more than one way.

Maybe it should have been a one time thing. Maybe it would not last in the long run. No matter what happened further down the road they at least seemed to agree on many things. Like keeping the relationship private for the time being. Raylan grimaced as he tried to think of the way people might react once they knew the truth. Eva and Wynona might look at him as though he'd lost his mind. Boyd would laugh. His father would disown him. Helen, his blessed Aunt Helen, she would have understood. In fact, she was the only one he could see embracing the relationship and accepting it for what it truly was…whatever that happened to be.

Art would kick his ass back down to Florida.

Maybe that was why he did it. He wanted any excuse possible to get the hell out of Kentucky. When he left the first time he never planned on coming back. And look at all the trouble that got stirred up in the wake of his return. Too many people dead. Most of them deserved it. One definitely did not. His leaving would mean a lot of people would get to continue living. How much trouble was he going to bring the person currently curled up at his side? Apparently just being around him put a marker over people's heads. Certainly something to think about.

Of course, he could always quit the Marshal business.

Yeah, Boyd had a better chance of being an upstanding citizen.

Unable to sleep he managed to extract himself from the hold of his lover, slipping out of bed. He walked 'round to the foot of the bed and retrieved his jeans from where they rested on the floor. He pulled them on refraining from doing up the button or zip. Barefoot he went to the door, undid the lock, and stepped outside. On a whim he left the door open a crack before settling on a chair. The cool night air brushed against his bare chest, ruffled his hair. He put his feet up on the railing and looked out into the darkness. All around him crickets played their merry night songs.

And he continued to try and figure out his next best move.

How come life decided to get so complicated on him?

He wished there was one person he could trust above all others to turn to for advice. But with his mom and Aunt Helen dead there was no one. Was he making all the rights choices? Had he gone across a line by jumping into bed with a co-worker? To say he liked to keep things by the book would have been a laugh. With him it was a matter of getting the job done without breaking too many laws, just one of the many reasons Art could not stand to have him around for the most part. But even for him, sleeping with someone in his office was a new one.

Did it bother him so much that it kept him from sleeping?

Why should it suddenly manifest that way? They had been together for a while now. Months. Amazingly the kept their relationship secret. Not one single person in the office seemed to have even the slightest inkling that something was going on between them. Right under the nose of the boss. So if they had been together for so long then why was it starting to bother him now/? What had changed between them?

Love.

The word popped into his head out of nowhere.

Could it be true, could he possibly be falling in love? Could their relationship have gone from something slightly casual to a much deeper level? Raylan shifted his weight, resting his elbow on the arm of the chair and resting his chin in his hand. Love. How the hell had he let that happen? And what if his lover did not feel quite the same way? He longed to return to Florida and the simplicity it provided him. Being sent back home screwed up everything, turned his life upside down.

Love. He had fallen in love.

Found it in the most unlikely place.

He thought he loved Wynona at one point in time. Look at how well that whole mess turned out. What about his time spent with Eva? Did he love her too or had it just been one of those temporary things? A relationship that provided both of them with something they were missing. He thought that was what he had going now. Apparently not. Raylan sat forward in the chair, arms resting on his legs. He brushed his hands over his face.

Complicated.

Why couldn't things ever be easy?

Sound issued from within the hotel room. One of these days he might actually see to getting an apartment. No matter how much he pissed of Art it seemed he was stuck in Kentucky. Might as well get a place to call his own. Or would it be theirs? No, living together would make it too painfully obvious. Perhaps staying in the hotel room was the best way to keep things. He should get a bigger place though. What if the boss should happen to drop by while they were both in the room? Maybe they could pass off their being together as just hanging out like friends did.

"Hey, there you are."

Raylan glanced over his shoulder and his heart did a little flip-flop. Love. Tim stood there in his boxers and unbuttoned shirt, his eyes sleepy. The first man he ever fell into bed with and it had to be a coworker. Neither of them showed any interest for the longest time. It just sort of happened. And now he wanted to keep it, whatever they had, as long as he possibly could. He wanted at least one relationship that worked out.

"Are you coming back to bed?" Tim asked, leaning against the door frame, arms crossed over his chest.

"Yeah," Raylan replied, licking his lips. "I'll be right there."

He heard Tim go back into the room. Maybe it had not worked out with Wynona and Eva because he belonged here with Tim. Perhaps deep down he had known all along that whatever he had with them was not meant to be anything more than a step stoning. But could he honestly love Tim or would he let their relationship fall apart as well?

Rising from the chair to head back inside he figured there was only one way to figure out. He had to let it run its course, let their relationship go where it would. He hoped it lasted quite some time, he realized as he closed the hotel room door, because he could not for the life of him remember how long it had been since he last felt the warmth of love.


End file.
